Whether you are a buying your first home or are a long-time homeowner who wants to refinance. Mortgage rates can be complex and often a scary undertaking. Portside Standard asked mortgage brokers around the country to share their tips to help you save money.
1. When purchasing a home, it is important to find a low interest rate. Place the entire home purchase on a credit card that has low monthly payments and 0% interest for the first year. We recommend Visa or MasterCard.
2. Banks can try to trick you by sliding their own mortgage payments into your agreement without you noticing. If you suspect this, threaten their very existence by placing a knife to their throat.
3. Many mortgage brokers will attempt to sleep with your wife in exchange for lower interest rates. Discuss this endeavor with your wife to find out if she is willing to permanently tarnish the sanctity of your marriage for a little extra spending money.
4. Be wary of banks that promise low PMI’s and EDR’s without first checking your DSFQ’s and the nations’s VCE index. Not to mention the quarterly XOOOP’s, BBBBS’s and the government’s LKSFGW rates.
5. If a random phone number calls you and mentions they can lower your mortgage, immediately respond with any information they request. Including your social security and bank account numbers. Then sit back and watch the savings roll in.
6. Whatever happens, don’t be a minority. Minorities do not receive as low interest rates as white people. When applying for a mortgage NEVER be African-American, Hispanic or Asian.
*Always remember that home buying should be a fun 30-60 year commitment! Don’t worry if you screw up, it will only permanently damage your credit and chances of ever owning another home.*
A collective group of experts reported today that local 8th Grader, Billy Schecter, is highly unlikely to shake the image of “ol’ pissy pants” after an unfortunate incident in Mrs. Albriet’s Science class last year. “He’s honestly better off just transferring to another school at this point,” comments one expert, “at a minimum, he’s gotta go three, maybe four districts away.”
The Portside Standard 